Yup. It’s happening. That moment when reality settles in. I’ve had a little more than a week left with my thoughts. And I can’t help but doubt literally EVERYTHING.
I know I was so sure of what I was doing when I left my jobs. And I know my stress levels have decreased tremendously.
But my bills…my horrendously large bills. The same bills that I will be late on. My bills that could just be the end of me.
Yet funnily enough…I am still WAY LES STRESSED than I was even two months ago.
So why am I doubting everything? Why can’t I fully trust my instinct? Or why can’t I look at the facts and see how I am clearly happier? And why do I, in some weird way, stress about my old stress?
My fear settles in more and more every day. My bill due dates are closer and closer. I am in no way able to pay, but I’m strangely OK.
But I’m not OK, I’m freaking out. My panic comes out in tears and hyperventilating every so often.
So how am I OK?
I am just torn, and confused. Worried, but relaxed. Stressed, but confident. Lost, yet happy.
Reality is settling in.
And I’m OK.
But definitely OK.
I just need to talk it out every once in a while. Understand that everything I am feeling is normal, it’s valid. And understand that life moves quickly. I won’t feel this way forever. New possibilities will come. Opportunities will present themselves.
**And since I am a woman of faith, I just need to trust that God will take care of me.
And I do. Everything will be just fine. I will be just fine. Life will be just dandy.
All I need to do is bulldoze through my doubt, my worry, and keep moving forward.
Day by day…that’s all I need to do.
P.S. this will make more sense if you check out this previous post, How I Quit My Job…Twice
Have you ever had moments in which reality settles in? What happened? And what did you do?? Tell me your stories!
Woman of Steel